“In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.”

 ― Laurie Halse Anderson

The Living Ghost

By Amelia Rose

A living ghost

Haunts me in my dreams

His presence always finds me

In the darkness of the night

As I sleep, restless on my sheets

The living ghost

Is ghoulish

He cares not for my soul

But my heart

Is what he seeks

So he may devour it whole

The living ghost

Wakes me

From my agitated rest

But he does not desert me

I feel his ravenous grip

Pressing down upon my chest

And even in my waking hours

This ghost measures my every breath

And at times I think I will succumb

And lie down unto death

Before him, for there is no ceasing

His relentless hunting of my heart

And despite my weary years increasing

All my hope of him releasing

Me is futile

His grasp is sturdy, stout and strong

And I feel him holding on

I’ve lost all hope he will depart

And leave me 

To my own devices

He will not rest, nor let me rest

For that would surely thwart his vices

There is no hope

There is no future

There is no path toward escape

And so night after night I lie upon my sheets

And hear his grating scrape

The living ghost

He haunts me now

Just as he’s always done

I’ll keep trying to elude him 

For as long as I can

But in the end, he’s already won.

Starving Ravenous Hunger

Starving Ravenous Hunger

By Amelia Rose

Hungry

Starving

My stomach churning in knots

I feel empty

With not a scrap, not a morsel to be found.
I’m starving.

Literally starving.

A day goes by

But there is nothing 

Nothing to sate the hunger I feel

A second day goes by

Still nothing found to ease the hunger pains

That wrack my tortured body

A third day goes by

My last and final day

Before I give up, to lay down and die

But in that last moment I look up

And I find it

I find the crumb of nourishment

That will keep me alive

That will keep my heart beating

For one more hour, one more day.

My whole life it has been like this;

A frantic nomadic search

For the sustenance that will keep me going

Day in and day out

Wandering

Always wandering; Searching 

For the next crumb, the next scrap

That will keep me alive.

But I never can find enough

I never can feel full

I have never felt full

Never in my whole life

Not once.

Actually, maybe once.

Once I found enough sustenance

That carried me though a summer

And I felt full then.

It was glorious

For a time

But even that was fleeting

It didn’t last

After only a single season it was gone

And I was left the way I started

Starving

Yet again.

But this time it was even worse

Because I knew what I was missing

And to feel the hunger back again

Felt worse than any pain I’d ever known.

I had to get used to it again

I had to learn to live with the hunger pains once more

And ever since it’s been the same 

My whole life I’ve been hungry

Always starved

Always on the brink of death

But then in the last moment before I’m gone,

I find that one morsel

That will sustain me for one more day, one more hour, one more week

And I keep going

It’s how I keep going

It’s how my life keeps moving along

But throughout it

I’m always

Starved

Hungry

Famished 

Ravenous

Insatiably Starved;

Starved for your attention.

Little Pieces of Us

Little Pieces of Us

By: Alex Dunlap

Adapted for poetry by Amelia Rose

I walk in the door

And they’re asleep

Their heads on their pillows

In matching sleep positions

Both laying on their sides

One leg draped over and bent at the knee

Their blankets flung off

And in them I see 

You

Because that’s the way

You like to sleep too.

One favors you

In her eyes, her smile, her mind

And one favors me

Active, fun, mischievous

We have to teach her to be kind

Yours follows the rules

Mine bends them until they break

But together we’re all one

And with love we’ll always make

A team. A family.

Our family

Together

You and me and them.

Our love is forever. 

It started out with just we two

And we didn’t know just what to do

We were young and in love

We knew nothing about the world

But we trusted in God

And our path He unfurled

We struggled and fought

Through pain, grief and tears

And it took us forever

(Or at least seven years)

To figure things out

Well, at least some of them

We’re still figuring it out

But there’s one thing we got right

Those little pieces of us

Sleeping soundly tonight.

They’re what make life worth living

It’s cliché but true

And I wouldn’t want to live this life

With anyone but you

And our little pieces of us

They are so precious

Full of light, truth and trust

They are so perfect

Even when they’re not

Because they’re little pieces of us

And we'll give them everything we’ve got.

The fun part is here

Where we get to teach them

And help them to grow

We get to help them learn

How to know

What is truth?

Where is God?

And when the night gets too dark

We get to help them

Learn to light their own spark

We get to teach them

How to do good

To do good and be good

And how to repent and forgive

We get to lead them

Along the paths we once knew

And help them discover

Their own passions too

What a task

What a job!

But it’s glorious too

Because along the way

I get to know you

And grow with you

And love you

Just as much as I love them

Those little pieces of us

Are what make our life together grand

Those little pieces of us

Who hold my heart,

And my hand.

2:22AM 02-22-2022

To my favorite person in the world

To my favorite person in the world

By Ami Rose

 

Thank you for going with me

Thank you for jumping in feet first

And hitting the ground running

Thank you for saying yes

To all of my crazy adventures

And wild ideas

Thank you for travelling the world with me

And learning how to be a stage electrician

For me

For us

So that we could have more crazy adventures

Together

Thank you for taking ballroom dance classes with me

Every year we went to college together

From the basic class where we didn’t know what we were doing

To the advanced teaching course

You did it all 

With me

And you were a better dancer than me too

Which honestly I loved.

Thank you for playing the piano

And being bold about your skills

And being brave to jump in when the pianist isn’t there

And being good enough at improvising to take on ward organist

That was amazingly impressive

And I love you for it so much more.

Thank you for loving music

Thank you for all the years you spent in marching band

Because I did that too

Even if I ended up hating it, even when you didn’t.

Thank you for our children

Thank you for being the most wonderful dad

To our babies

And the most wonderful husband I ever could have asked for

Thank you for enjoying cooking

Because I don’t

Thank you for keeping me fed

For keeping us all fed

For putting in a load of dishes

Even when none of us has the time

Thank you for working your full-time job

Thank you for all the jobs you’ve ever worked

To provide for our family

Even during the dark times

Even when we were dirt poor 

And thank you for having the motivation

To go back for your Masters

And for discovering new skills

So we don’t have to be poor anymore

Thank you for your awesome family

I know you didn’t have much control over that

But I always wanted to be part of a big family

And you’ve given me that.

Thank you for dropping the girls off 

at school

at dance

at drama

at gymnastics

Thank you for picking them up too

Thank you for doing that for me too.

Because you know, all through undergrad

You did

And that semester when I didn’t have you?

I got 15 parking tickets. No joke.

15 parking tickets

That’s basically the story of my life

Without you.

Thank you for being kind

Thank you for being loving

Thank you for being without guile or meanness

Thank you for the strength of your conscience

Even when I roll my eyes, I still love

What a man of integrity you are

And will always be.

Thank you for your faith

For your testimony.

I always thought I had a strong testimony

Of the gospel and of the Lord

But I have found that sometimes I waver.

But you never do.

You are my rock.

You are my everything. 

I never worry about you.

I never worry about you losing your faith

I never worry about you being unfaithful

Because I know the strength of your heart.

I wish I could say the same

About me.

I’m the one I worry about.

If one of us were to go off the deep end

It would definitely be me. 

It happened once before

But I am grateful for you

That when it did, you were right there

Right. There.

Standing right there

With your hand on the rod

Just waiting there so you could reel me back in.

You do that.

You always do that.

Even when I push you beyond your limits

Even when I make you crack

(Which is incredibly hard to do, so it’s saying something

That I’ve managed it a few times.)

But even when that happens

You are the strong one. 

And you come back

You always come back

Eventually. 

And I do too.

I keep on choosing you

And you keep on choosing me

And that’s how we keep on going

Every day.

Because it’s true.

I chose you. 

And I choose you.

Because you’re everything I’ve ever wanted.

Everything I’ll ever need.

And I pray every day for the Lord to protect and preserve you

To spare you from harm and accident

Because if everything were left up to me

Our life would be in shambles

In a way I guess it already is

Or maybe I’m just too hard on myself

But in any case, you keep things moving forward

You keep us trucking on.

And for it, I love you.

I love everything we’ve ever done together

Rolling down hills, 

Galivanting across campus

Teaching me how to rock climb

And being supportive to help me get stronger

Riding on your bike handlebars

Then a little later, riding behind you 

On your motorcycle

Hugging you close

Then riding next to you

On my motorcycle

When we go for rides

Together

You keep things together

Even when I would let everything fall apart

You’re never cruel

You’re never harsh

Or brash

Not even to the goobers of the world

Even to those whose preferred method of movement

Is to slither

From point A to point B.

Even to those people

You’re always kind,

Even when others

Are not.

I love that about you

I love that so much about you

Because I know

That you will always be kind

To me.

I’ve hurt you before

And I’m sorry

I hate it when I hurt you

Because then I hurt too.

But you always forgive

You always receive

My apologies

And you always choose to love

Not hate, or resent

Even when you would have every right

To feel that way.

But you don’t

And I love you for it

So much.

This world

It’s going to hell in a handbasket

Faster than we can count to ten in Chinese

But I can have faith in us

In our family

Because I know you aren’t going down with them.

When everyone else is turning on each other

When divorce is rampant

When hate and fighting are prevalent

I can have faith

In God

And in you.

Just like when we were in China

And it was us against the world

Just to buy milk and eggs

And flour off the shelves,

Because we couldn’t read or speak the language

We had to endure the struggle

Together 

And we did.

Just like that

That’s how it will be.

You and me

Standing up for truth

And righteousness

And freedom

And agency

Trusting in the Lord

Following him to all the little missions

He has for us

To accomplish together on this earth

Because we both know the gospel is restored.

Because He knows and I know

That you are ever willing,

And I am too,

To drop everything we have

And at the drop of a hat

To pick up and move,

Across the world if necessary

In order to run an errand for the Lord.

We’ve done it several times before

And it hasn’t been so bad.

We’ve made new friends along the way

And that has always

made it all worth it 

at the end of the day.

And I realize now, 

That not many men

Could do that

Could do what we did.

But you did.

And you do

You always do.

You always go with me.

Anywhere and everywhere 

I’ve ever wanted to go

All I have to do, is tell you I’m going

And you say “I want to go too”

So we do

And because of it, I will always cherish you.

I love you so much.

And our beautiful daughters love you too.

And our unborn son loves you too.

Because in our family,

“We do fun things together.”

And I know none of us is good at housework

Especially when we’re both working full time jobs.

But even if we die in our messy house

No one will ever say we didn’t love each other.

Even strangers at church notice

When you sit next to me on the pew

And I notice too.

Your love, it’s ever-present

I feel it every day

And I’m so grateful for all you do and say

I love your spirit.

I love your mind.

I love your body too. (Woo woo. ;P)

I love how competent you are

How fast to learn new things

How smart and capable

How you can work with your hands

And your mind

How you can manipulate data as fast as you can bolt screws to wood

How you can tie any knot I ever need

How good with powertools you are

(Because that’s the sign of a manly man, right? 

But no, for real, it is. And it’s amazing.)

How we can go rock climbing or rappelling and I never need to feel scared

Because I know you’ve double checked all the safeties

I love how good at photography you were in Paris

And still are

I love that we even got to go to Paris

And that we were married in New York

And honeymooned in that little dump of a hotel

On the outskirts of London

And I remember it smelled funny

But that was the best maze of a place I ever did honeymoon in

Because it was with you.

I love you. 

You are my special priesthood holder

You are the one

The one the Lord counseled me

To hold out for

To wait for

To forsake all others for

To give up my mission for

And I did.

I did

And I have never once regretted it

Because of everything you are.

And if I had to do it again

I would. 

Because my life wouldn’t be half as full

Of joy

Of hope

Of rainbows and unicorns and sprinkles and lime green penguins

And bursting with love

As it is now

It wouldn’t be anything like it is now

If I had ended up with anyone

But you. 

Our spirits knew each other, babe

We were reserved for each other

Before we came to this earth.

And all the other things we ever went through

Prepared us for that day

That wonderful day in the temple

Where we both said,

Yes. 

The temple, oh how I love to see the temple.

And be in it. And feel the Spirit

And I know that you do too.

You do and think of it often

Even more than me

And that’s inspiring to me.

I love your testimony,

Your love for the Lord

Your commitment to the truth

And on that day 10 years ago, 

I loved making my covenants

Even before they changed the words

Because I knew I was making them to you.

You who held my heart then.

You who hold my heart now

And everything that I am.

I was given to you and I was okay with that

Because I trust you.

I’ve always trusted you.

You and only you.

I trusted you then.

And I trust you now. 

More than anyone else alive

I trust you

With everything I am

And everything I hope to become

Because it’s all happening

With you

Because that’s the promise we made;

For time and all eternity.

And my eternity has always

Been destined to be with you, babe.

I’m grateful for the Lord

For knowing and understanding my heart

For blessing me with everything I ever wanted

For giving me someone who could take care of me

For making all my wildest dreams come true

Because now, on this Thanksgiving day,

What I am grateful for

Is you.

Mi se imamo radi,

radi prav zares.

♥ Ami Rose

Mi se imamo radi,

radi, radi, radi,

mi se imamo radi, 

radi, radi, radi, 

Mi se imamo radi, 

radi, radi, radi,

mi se imamo radi,

radi prav zares.

Zakaj se ne bi imeli

radi, radi, radi, 3x

zakaj se ne bi imeli

radi prav zares.

Še se bomo imeli

radi, radi, radi,3x

še se bomo imeli

radi prav zares.

Saj smo sami mladi

mladi, mladi, mladi,3x

We all love each other, 

love love each other 

We all love each other, 

love love each other 

We all love each other, 

love love each other 

We all love each other, 

Oh we really do 

Why shouldn't we love each other, 

love love each other 3x 

Why shouldn't we love each other, 

Oh we really should 

We'll always love each other, 

love love each other 3x 

We'll always love each other, 

we promise that we will 

We're all still young 

very very young 3x